"Freedom and Responsibility"

(Friday, April 16, 2010) "Freedom and Responsibility"

Quick Update: Patra told me earlier this week not to focus on a day – “I don’t feel as good today as I did yesterday” – but instead to compare how I am doing to a week ago. That was excellent advice because I clearly do see improvement from that longer perspective.

The medication change seems to have worked. I have not had an episode of severe chest pain in over a week. That is wonderful.

I took hormones earlier this week that were prescribed to stimulate my appetite. They work REALLY well. Megan and Avery better watch out. “You have so much sugar, Grandpa is going to eat you up,” may be literally fulfilled.

On March 4, 1993, Jim Valvano, the former coach of the N.C. State basketball team (which won the NCAA Tournament in 1983) was awarded the inaugural Arthur Ashe Courage and Humanitarian Award at the first ever ESPY awards. Jimmy V died of metastatic cancer later that year. At one point during his televised acceptance speech, he was told that he needed to wrap it up, his time was up. Valvano stopped his prepared speech and told the audience:

“That screen is flashing up there thirty seconds. Like I care about that screen right now, huh? I got tumors all over my body. I'm worried about some guy in the back going thirty seconds? You got a lot, hey va fa napoli, buddy. You got a lot.” [Disclaimer: I have no idea what the Italian phrase means.]

I have watched his speech several times over the years and it is clear that Valvano was letting the world know that his cancer had given him a freedom. In light of his diagnosis and prognosis, Valvano wasn’t worried about going past his allotted time, even on national television where every second is measured in tens of thousands of dollars.

Many times since my diagnosis I have sensed a freedom I never had before. These “nasty little diseases” have given me a new perspective on my life. What’s important in my life has become clearer and I am more focused on those things. I surprise myself by the number of things that aren't of great concern now. Only a few months ago, I would have spent time and energy trying to fix unimportant concerns.

Part of my new perspective is an appreciation for the priorities of life. Faith, family and friends are most important.

There is an even greater freedom than the freedom from a serious illness. In the Gospel of John, Jesus makes some profound statements about faith and freedom. John 8:31-32 … “If you abide in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine: and you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” John 8:36 “If therefore the Son shall make you free, you shall be free indeed.”

Unfortunately, over time, we often relinquish some of faith's freedom because the distractions of life distort the perspective and priorities of our faith.

With freedom comes responsibility. I struggle with this part of the equation. For some reason(s), God has allowed me to take this journey. He knows His plans for me and His plans are always good. (Jeremiah 29:11) What does He expect of me? Will I be open to whatever His plans are? Will I be faithful to His call? Will my answer be “Yes” to whatever He asks?

I don’t want to waste this cancer. I want to be responsible as I enjoy the freedom I have been given.

Bob