March 11, 2011
(From Bob)
This past Tuesday was a rough day emotionally. I cried several times. As I was preparing for my Bone Marrow Transplant (in February 2010), I ran into an attorney who had just completed his own transplant. He looked vibrant and strong and he and his wife were very encouraging to Patra and me. On several occasions he gave me suggestions to get through the transplant. He seemed strong and healthy. He and his wife came to visit us in the transplant unit. He was tremendously supportive. Charles was the epitome of a successful transplant patient.
Tuesday, while reading the Stetson alumni newsletter, I turned the page and saw that Charles died in June 2010. It hit me very hard, much like when I hear of young children with these diseases. I couldn't help but wonder why God has allowed me to continue to fight my disease and here is a man who seemed to have it under control and was taken within months of his completing his transplant. The news of his death hit me hard.
Later Tuesday, I learned that my good friend, Jack, had passed away. Jack had struggled with cancer for several years. He and his wife were good friends from church and he and I were prayer partners, praying for each other. Jack was one of the kindest men I have ever known. He served the Lord well - the people who worked with him appreciated his reflection of the fruit of the Spirit. He fought the good fight and, although I knew his death was coming, it was still difficult to receive the news.
Yes, Tuesday was a rough day.
I have spent much time in prayer over the last several days, (there was nowhere else to go but to God in prayer.) As I spent time talking to God, at some point I felt His embrace. I couldn't help but think of a warm blanket engulfing me.
"God, I really don't understand."
After a couple of days praying, I sensed that God definitely wanted to teach me something. Early on I settled the "why question" that God is sovereign and determines who gets diseases and who doesn't. Now I needed to trust Him with the "when questions" as well. He will bring me home when He decides it is time.
God made it clear that I needed to concentrate on the blessing. Every day that God allows me is a day of particular blessing.
Every day, I spend time alone with Patra and we talk about so many things and remembrances. What a blessing!
Almost every day I visit with one of my children or grandchildren. What a blessing!
It appears that I will be able to meet Riley and Anderson (my two grandsons, one due at the end of March and the other at the end of May). What a blessing! God is so good.
As I indicated above I do not know the purpose of God in allowing me to remain here at this time. I appreciate so much your prayers and pray that whatever God's purpose is, that I will be faithful to it.
My vascular surgeon met with me this week and wants to do some additional work to strengthen my fistula before it is used for dialysis. He has scheduled a "minor" outpatient surgical procedure on March 17 at Morton Plant Hospital. I am confident that this additional procedure will be successful (for those of you who have kept up with the blog from the beginning, I know you will find it hard to believe that I can describe any surgical procedure where I am put to sleep as "minor". That may be one of the lessons that God wanted to teach me because months ago I would have gone into deep spiritual preparation for this procedure and I would never describe anything where they put me to sleep and use a scalpel as "minor").
Obviously, one of the lessons that God has taught me through this process is not to panic over every surgery. Patra and I had hoped that I could avoid any additional surgeries for a while to let my body gain some strength. When the scheduling nurse called from the hospital to finalize the details for the surgery she was familiar with me and called me a "frequent flier."
If I'm not mistaken, I believe that during this procedure I again get to use the new gowns that have their own heater, and I won't even need to beg for the heated blankets!
Our family (especially Adam and Sharon) is anxiously awaiting the birth of Riley Bugg.
I am working hard with the physical therapist to be more independent and to gain strength. My goal is to improve my physical activities as much as I can before Patra's birthday.
Until next week, God Willing,
Bob
(From Bob)
This past Tuesday was a rough day emotionally. I cried several times. As I was preparing for my Bone Marrow Transplant (in February 2010), I ran into an attorney who had just completed his own transplant. He looked vibrant and strong and he and his wife were very encouraging to Patra and me. On several occasions he gave me suggestions to get through the transplant. He seemed strong and healthy. He and his wife came to visit us in the transplant unit. He was tremendously supportive. Charles was the epitome of a successful transplant patient.
Tuesday, while reading the Stetson alumni newsletter, I turned the page and saw that Charles died in June 2010. It hit me very hard, much like when I hear of young children with these diseases. I couldn't help but wonder why God has allowed me to continue to fight my disease and here is a man who seemed to have it under control and was taken within months of his completing his transplant. The news of his death hit me hard.
Later Tuesday, I learned that my good friend, Jack, had passed away. Jack had struggled with cancer for several years. He and his wife were good friends from church and he and I were prayer partners, praying for each other. Jack was one of the kindest men I have ever known. He served the Lord well - the people who worked with him appreciated his reflection of the fruit of the Spirit. He fought the good fight and, although I knew his death was coming, it was still difficult to receive the news.
Yes, Tuesday was a rough day.
I have spent much time in prayer over the last several days, (there was nowhere else to go but to God in prayer.) As I spent time talking to God, at some point I felt His embrace. I couldn't help but think of a warm blanket engulfing me.
"God, I really don't understand."
After a couple of days praying, I sensed that God definitely wanted to teach me something. Early on I settled the "why question" that God is sovereign and determines who gets diseases and who doesn't. Now I needed to trust Him with the "when questions" as well. He will bring me home when He decides it is time.
God made it clear that I needed to concentrate on the blessing. Every day that God allows me is a day of particular blessing.
Every day, I spend time alone with Patra and we talk about so many things and remembrances. What a blessing!
Almost every day I visit with one of my children or grandchildren. What a blessing!
It appears that I will be able to meet Riley and Anderson (my two grandsons, one due at the end of March and the other at the end of May). What a blessing! God is so good.
As I indicated above I do not know the purpose of God in allowing me to remain here at this time. I appreciate so much your prayers and pray that whatever God's purpose is, that I will be faithful to it.
My vascular surgeon met with me this week and wants to do some additional work to strengthen my fistula before it is used for dialysis. He has scheduled a "minor" outpatient surgical procedure on March 17 at Morton Plant Hospital. I am confident that this additional procedure will be successful (for those of you who have kept up with the blog from the beginning, I know you will find it hard to believe that I can describe any surgical procedure where I am put to sleep as "minor". That may be one of the lessons that God wanted to teach me because months ago I would have gone into deep spiritual preparation for this procedure and I would never describe anything where they put me to sleep and use a scalpel as "minor").
Obviously, one of the lessons that God has taught me through this process is not to panic over every surgery. Patra and I had hoped that I could avoid any additional surgeries for a while to let my body gain some strength. When the scheduling nurse called from the hospital to finalize the details for the surgery she was familiar with me and called me a "frequent flier."
If I'm not mistaken, I believe that during this procedure I again get to use the new gowns that have their own heater, and I won't even need to beg for the heated blankets!
Our family (especially Adam and Sharon) is anxiously awaiting the birth of Riley Bugg.
I am working hard with the physical therapist to be more independent and to gain strength. My goal is to improve my physical activities as much as I can before Patra's birthday.
Until next week, God Willing,
Bob
Comments
It is so good to read your thoughts from your own hand. Jenny does a wonderful job, but it encourages our hearts that you feel well enough to write yourself.
We are back in TN for a few weeks; thus, we can't come by for our short visits. However, we will be back for a bit end of May, God willing.
Don't know if you have noticed the weather; we are to be going to Hawaii one week from today. We shall see what happens. We need your prayers as we travel.
Bob, we have been up and down during your journey; however, you are such a blessing to us. Truly God is using you in wonderful ways; some of which you may not know until you see GOD face to face and HE tells you.
We continue to think of you as we read John 11:4. That is such a comforting verse as we travel through the tall weeds with you.
We look forward to meeting your two new grandsons.
Praying and praising and loving you,
Lex and Linda
Take care my friends!
Ted & Carol W
I have been following your blog from the beginning. Patra is a friend of a friend who sent me your blog link, and I remember Patra's inspirational chalk drawing ministry at our Seminole Bible study group once. Although I've been silent here till now, you and your family continue to be in my prayers regularly.
You have no idea how many lives you have touched, spirits fed, through the sharing of your journey through the "tall weeds". Your transparency throughout has given credibility and example of mature faith to those of us who have always struggled mightily with the "whys?", whether in our own circumstances, or that of others. Your post brought to mind one of my favorite poems, which I hope isn't too long to post here....
1. Though the rain may fall and the wind be blowing,
And cold and chill is the wintry blast;
Though the cloudy sky is still cloudier growing,
And dead leaves tell that the summer has passed,
Yet my face I hold to the stormy heaven,
My heart as calm as a summer sea;
I am glad to receive what my God hath given,
Whate’er it be.
2. When I feel the cold, I can say, “He sends it,”
His wind blows blessing I surely know;
For I’ve ne’er a want but that He attends it;
My heart beats warm, though the winds may blow;
The soft, sweet summer was warm and glowing,
So bright were the blossoms on every bough;
I trusted Him when the roses were blowing—
I trust Him now.
3. Oh, small were my faith should it weakly falter,
When now the roses have ceased to blow;
And frail were the trust that now should alter,
To doubt His love when the storm clouds grow;
If I trust Him once I must trust Him ever—
His way is best, though I stand or fall;
Through wind or storm He will leave me never,
For He sends all.
4. Now why should my heart be faint and fearing?
The Mighty One rules above the storm;
For even the wintry blast is cheering,
Revealing His power to keep me warm;
No, never a care on my heart is pressing,
And never a fear can disturb my breast;
Yes, everything that He sends is blessing,
For He knows best.
~ Unknown
Thank you, Bob, and never forget that the prayers of many lift you daily before the Father.
Donna
You are such an encouragement to me. I am praying for you & your healing -- and God's peace to overwhelm you & Patra.
All His love in Christ!
Shana Duehring (former fwbb)