"The GIFT of an Illness"

(Friday, August 6, 2010) “The GIFT of an Illness”
This didn’t turn out to be the week of “rest” I envisioned. I was hoping my “rest week” would at least mean no trips to a doctor, hospital or Moffitt.

I didn’t feel good last Friday and I really didn’t feel good Saturday. We thought it was just my body reacting to the end of the first cycle of chemo-therapy. Emily drove home Saturday morning and the plan was for all the kids and grandkids to come over that afternoon. (One of the great joys for a parent is when your grown children enjoy being with each other.)

By the time Emily, Adam and Sharon got to the house Saturday, I was “in bed.” When I got up and tried to be part of the family, I “passed out.” (I hate it when that happens.) Fortunately, I was sitting at the time and Patra was right there to prevent me from falling and hurting myself. Because we have been through this a few times now, as I was coming back to reality, Patra had the doctor's role down pat, asking me if I knew the name of the president.

These episodes are hard on Patra. Some of my actions are similar to having a seizure. My eyes roll in my head and there is involuntary twitching of my extremities. While I am only “out of it” for a short period of time before regaining consciousness, she has a difficult time getting over the picture in her mind of “losing me.”

Because I “passed out,” we were instructed by Moffitt to go directly to the E.R. Adam loaded me in the car and he and Patra took me to the E.R. We were taken to an isolation room (bone marrow transplant patients should be protected from germs) and we had wonderful, caring nurses and an excellent doctor. We provided a report from the Mayo Clinic which gave a concise history of my situation which the doctor read before seeing me. When he walked into the room he had a good handle on my situation.

Once again this “nasty little disease” had caused me to become dehydrated and I needed fluids. From my history and clinical presentation, it seemed clear what the problem was so the doctor didn’t want to put me through a bunch of superfluous tests and procedures. I received I.V. fluids and then got out of the hospital before being exposed to any new germs or diseases. Within a few hours I was back home and although still “in bed” at least I was able to be near the kids and grandkids.

I didn't improve Sunday or Monday and by Tuesday I was orthostatic (blood pressure readings confirming dehydration) so it was back to Moffitt for more I.V. fluids and protein. It turned out to be a long day. Patra and I were the last patients in the B.M.T. Clinic, finally leaving for home about 7:30 p.m.

While it was a difficult week, I keep thinking about the “gift” God has given me. It is difficult to explain my feelings in this regard in a blog post. Romans 8:28 (see above) says that God causes all things (including “nasty little diseases”) to work together for "good" to those who love Him. This is a difficult concept if you really think about it. I do not for a moment believe that God made me sick or that being sick is a good thing. But I firmly believe that God can take this bad situation and use it for His “good.” If I allow Him, if I TRUST HIM, He can and will cause it to be used for His glory and my benefit.

Even after a difficult week, I appreciate the way God is blessing me through the “gift” of a “nasty little disease.”

Not only am I living my life “day by day” but I appreciate each and every day. I do not take any day for granted. As much as I physically can, I am enjoying each day. That is a “gift.”

Patra and I talk about important things every day. We don’t take each other for granted even for a minute now. That is a “gift.”

I have an opportunity, a freedom, an incentive, to give my children advice on life, faith, family and friends. (Because I am “sick” they feel an obligation to listen.) What a “gift.” Unfortunately for them, I still have a “lot to say” so they need to “buckle up.” (One night when Adam was in high school and going out, I started in with “parental advice.” Adam smiled and suggested that it might be easier if I just referred to my lectures by number. Respect a girl – lecture #23. Watch out for the "mob mentality" when you’re in a large crowd – lecture #42. Never get in a car if the driver is drinking – lecture #65. His suggestion was that we could save time if I would just call out the numbers like a football play. “Adam, #23, #42, #65 and whatever you do, don't forget #99.”)

I appreciate people more than I ever have in my life. What a “gift.”

I have renewed friendships because people have heard about my illness and they cared enough to contact me. What a "gift."

Had I not gotten sick, I would never have written a blog. Writing the blog has been so therapeutic. I find peace and comfort sitting at the computer and attempting to express in words truths or lessons God is teaching me. Struggling to put my thoughts and feelings into words makes things clearer in my own mind. (I have never kept a journal or a diary but I can imagine that people who do would have similar thoughts about the benefits they receive.) Through the blog, I have made new friends. What a "gift."

My faith has never been so real, so close, so personal, so meaningful as it has since I got sick. That is a “gift.”

I hope you are not walking through any "tall weeds." I hope life is good and you are enjoying the blessings of God in your life. Scripture says that God causes all things (even the good things!) to work together for good to those who love Him. Sometimes it is harder to see the “gift” during the good times. During the good times there may be less motivation to look for God's involvement in our lives. Regardless of our circumstances at the moment, we don’t want to miss the "gift" God has given us.

We teach our children that it is important to express thanks when they receive a “gift.”

God, I don’t understand everything that is going on. I do know that You are in charge and that You are always good. Your Word is true and Your Word says You cause all things to work together for "good" to those who love You. In the midst of this journey I am seeing you work and I am beginning to appreciate the "gift" You have given me. Help me to understand more clearly. For what I do understand about this "gift," “Thank you.”

So ready or not, “rested” or not, we start cycle #2 Monday.

Until next Friday. God willing.
Bob