"I have Some Goals

Update from Bob:


(Sunday, March 28, 2010)

“I have some goals”

Today is a milestone. We are 30 days out from the bone marrow transplant. I thought I would just share some miscellaneous thoughts with you.

Today is another Sunday where I didn’t go to church. It has nothing to do with having to be in church, but it has everything to do with missing the fellowship and friendship of others and hearing a message from the Word of God. One of my goals is to be able to go to church again.

Today I walked all the way around the lake here at the apartments. It probably is about ¾ of a mile. I could not have been more proud of myself if I had run a marathon. I know pride doesn’t sound good, but when Patra and I got back to the apartment door, I wanted to raise my arms in the air and pump my fists – and I would have if I hadn’t just finished that marathon. I also could not have been more exhausted if I had finished a marathon. When she opened the door, I collapsed in my chair and took a nap. I am really excited about reporting this to my doctors tomorrow. Walking is a very important part of my therapy and one of my goals is to be the best walker I can be.

My wife is incredible. I would write about Patra everyday but you need to understand she is the great censor of all blog posts. (I’m going to need Emily’s help getting this one past her.) There were only a couple of moments when she left my side during the entire hospitalization. She was there every step of the way and did everything to help me through the days. Those of you that know Patra have no difficulty understanding how blessed I am that she is my partner. Many nurses told me they had never seen a better primary care giver – she made everyone’s job easier. We are going through this together and together we will grow closer through it.

Among her many duties, Patra has reminded me on several occasions to find the humor in the day so that I would benefit from the medicine of a cheerful heart. One day she and I started talking about a humorous event and we soon lost it – we couldn’t even talk, we were laughing so hard. The problem was that my platelets (which control blood clotting) were low and so pretty soon, the laughter caused me to have a nasty nose bleed. Fortunately, the doctors gave me a transfusion of platelets. So now we have a double blessing, laughing at the original event and laughing at the impact laughing had on me. One of my goals is to be a worthy husband to a terrific wife.

Out of the mouths of babes. When I was released from the hospital, all of the kids made sure that Grandma and I got to see the grandchildren. Grandma got to hold them and I just waived from the other side of the apartment. Please understand I love them but they scare me to death right now. The girls are still infants but the boys are regular little germ machines. And I am in the middle of germ warfare. One of my goals is to get strong enough to wrestle with Andrew and Austin.

We were very curious about the reaction of the boys to Grandpa’s new look. Andrew (4 years old) seemed a little surprised by my baldness, but quickly rebounded and overall seemed not to be phased by it at all. Austin (3 years old) seemed to be affected a little more. He sneaked his looks at me and didn’t want to deal directly with the whole issue. We kept asking him what he thought about Grandpa’s new look and finally he said, “Grandpa looks weird.” We all laughed and from that point forward, he seemed totally back to normal with me. Hey buddy, I agree – I look weird to me too. One of my goals is to get back to normal.

Everyone that reads my blog is special to me and an important part of my healing. But there is a very special group of people that reads my blog. It is not large in number but these people mean so much to me. It is a group of cancer survivors – people that I have prayed for in the past – and now they are praying for me. For many reasons, they are special. We have a bond that causes us to identify with each other. They have shown me the grace of God in their lives. They have modeled for me what I now hope to be able to model for others. Their victories give me hope and when a day goes bad, I am reminded by them that a new day will dawn. One of my goals is to be to someone else what these special people have been to me.


Austin on the porch of Grandpa's new apartment. This was his face after seeing Grandpa for the first time without hair.