"Boys will be Boys"

(Wednesday, March 31, 2010)

“Boys will be boys”

Jenny and Emily are great moms. They watch what the boys eat and try hard to make sure they eat properly. But boys will be boys and recently we had a breakdown in discipline with one of our boys. Was it Andrew who ate what he knew he shouldn’t eat? No. Was it Austin who snuck a prohibited snack? No. If it wasn’t Andrew and it wasn’t Austin – then which boy did it? … GRANDPA??

Yes, I confess – it was me. But it felt so good.

When we were released from the hospital, the doctors prescribed a low salt diet because of the fluid retention and involvement of my kidneys. Patra has worked very hard trying to comply. It is very difficult when so many of our foods have high sodium contents.

Patra feels like June Cleaver. She says she needs an apron and high heels since she spends all day in the kitchen preparing meals. (Those of you that know Patra know that she is not about to voluntarily do anything in high heels.)

We had been doing so good on our new low salt diet. But there was a breakdown. When we were at the hospital Monday, we ate lunch while I was receiving my I.V.s. The hospital provides bag lunches at the Bone Marrow Treatment Center so Patra got me a bag lunch with a turkey sandwich. As she brought my bag into the room, her phone rang and she left to take the call. My nurse was very busy but set up a table over my bed so I could eat my lunch. As I opened the bag, I immediately spotted a bag of chips. POTATO CHIPS. SALTY BUT WONDERFUL TASTING POTATO CHIPS. It seemed like it had been years since I had eaten potato chips.

Yes, I knew it was wrong. Sometimes a man just has to do what a man has to do. So before Patra could get back in the room, I ripped open that bag of chips and ate the whole thing. I literally chugged a bag of chips in seconds.

As she entered the room, I knew I was in trouble. Maybe Andrew and Austin could help me out. How would they handle this?

Denial. Who? Me? Yes, I have seen those little guys with chocolate all over their mouths denying that they ate a brownie. I wasn’t optimistic about that defense, it had not turned out well for them. Besides, I had been caught in the act. I was sucking crumbs from the bottom of the bag when she entered the room.

If denial wouldn’t work, how about blaming someone else. Andrew and Austin weren’t there so I couldn’t blame them. How about the hospital? The hospital provided the chips. They put them in the bag. I had no confidence in that defense either.

No, my only hope would be to find a biblical basis. I reminded Patra that the Bible said we are the salt of the earth, and if food has lost it’s salt, then what is life worth?

She couldn’t believe her eyes when she walked in. Now she couldn’t believe her ears when she heard my wildly distorted version of scripture.

I was unrepentant. I was defiant. At least I was honest. I told her that I probably would have broken someone’s arm if they had tried to take away those chips. They were the best potato chips I have ever eaten and I only regret that it had not been a bigger bag.

After all, boys will be boys.

Bob